“It’s very easy!” she exclaimed, smiling. “You just bite your tongue until it bleeds.”

I’m finding that these things are beginning to bother me less and less, and I’m hoping, I’m praying, that soon I’ll be free.

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I seriously do this shit to myself.

I am the laziest effing person on the planet, and it has come back to bite me in the ass several times already… and still, I don’t change my ways. I find myself putting more effort into activities and things whose priority in reality should be lower on my list (i.e. wasting my time on the Internet… doing EVERYTHING except studying, except practicing, except working out). I try too much for some people and not enough for my family and oldest friends. My chosen ignorance and tendency to retreat backwards into my own world has been the ruin of so many things in my life—academics, relationships and friendships, fitness and health, my own well-being—and reminders of my poor decisions haunt me everyday. Time and time again I have chosen to give up and drown in favor of just trying to put in a little more effort. I had always thought that I had somehow grown up without turning into the stereotypical, selfish, spoiled only child… but I have. I cannot count the times I have gotten my way when I shouldn’t have, the times I fought and fought for what I thought was right without taking the time to really listen and understand the other party, the times I was forgiven (and still continuously am) when I never deserved the forgiveness. When will I learn? How many more times? I need to break the habit. I know that I am a good person. I’ve just made some terrible mistakes in my life. From now on, I pray, pray, pray, pray that I travel in the right direction.

Yasmin Mogahed (via nirvikalpa)

Never read a truer, more relevant thing in my life.

(via thiswhitegirl)

I always seem to stumble upon some dance inspiration when I should be studying for an exam…. This is probably the third time it’s happened. Unreal. But the third time’s the charm, right? Hmmm. I kinda really want to try. Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I CAN DO THIS!

I started crying just thinking about the weekend and oh my God. Lord, thank You for saving me. You never cease to remind me why I started and why I need to keep going and just.. usdjsiufhsifjs CRYING FOREVER I HATE EVERYONE SO MANY FEELINGS

I don’t need to be sad about lacking anything. I already have You and all that I need. 

So. I’m not a shitty person. My daily ritual had been me telling myself that I am every night before I go to bed, but y’know what, I really am not, I’m halfway decent, and halfway is on-the-way and it is the thought of getting to all-the-way decent that counts. And it’s unfortunate that it’s universally agreed that thoughts are what count because sometimes people (myself included) don’t want thoughts, sometimes we want words, we want voices, we want actions, and sometimes we need these things to feel better even if other people do have thoughts about us feeling better (or just random thoughts about us, which are nicest of all) and y’know I always have these thoughts but I don’t often verbalize them because I don’t know how to or I think it’d be weird if I do, but just know that you, people I care about, are in my thoughts always and even if I don’t talk to you just know that I think of you. Because I think about a lot of things and that also means a lot of people and that’s why I’m like really retarded because I think so much about everything all the time, because ever since I was young all I did was think, all I did was exercise my brain, because I didn’t have siblings at home to be social and exercise my people skills with—all I had was me, myself, I, and my imagination and the things that sprouted from it and that is why to this day my mind is still my best friend and my worst enemy. And this has nothing to do with what I was feeling earlier but it’s part of the really good conversation I had that made me feel better, because words and hearing someone’s voice when I haven’t spoken to anyone all day make me feel better, but now knowing that other people think about me makes me feel better too. 

And that is that.